its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
