Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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