you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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