i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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