Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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