Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
