So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
