Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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