ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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