brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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