the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
