this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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