Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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