no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
