When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I would ride that face into the sunset
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
