I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
True strength comes from lack of pants
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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