I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
