im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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