I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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