I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
