The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
