Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
