my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
did i walk over a car last night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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