Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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