Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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