either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I didn't shave. On purpose
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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