Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
