brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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