I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
