Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
