This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize