I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
