We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm at about main and main street
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
