I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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