My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
