The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize