You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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