you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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