i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
