that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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