If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
