break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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