Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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