This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
