The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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