Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No I am not eating basil off your cock
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
