It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
