OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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