he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
