i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
