well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Let's get the cat blown out
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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