I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
