my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
