You just made me feel so damn special
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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