I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
