I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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