He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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