I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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