apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
