She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
