hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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