I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
