so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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