Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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