i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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