I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
