i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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