Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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