I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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