One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
