I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Randomize
